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Years before this I had fought with my own mother over our family's prejudices when it came to love.

I had more than one black boyfriend in my twenties, and a few others in shades between olive and dark brown.

Mixed-race yes, but I couldn't fathom that my race could make me the "wrong kind of girl" for anyone.

Yes, it was white privilege that blinded me to the fact I might be the bottom of the barrel on someone else's race card.

Parents often have a favorite child I knew their prejudices came from the ignorance of confusing economics, education and opportunity with culture.

But they simultaneously taught me that I had a right to speak up for what I believed and to defend my choices.

Specifically, he seemed like someone of another culture that I didn't know or understand.

Which was in fact true, because as much as we had in common, I was completely unaware of what it meant to grow up Asian-American -- both in his home and in the outside world.

But truthfully, I was blindsided for personal reasons, too.I only had the gumption to fight them and eventually end their narrow-mindedness because they showed me so much love.So I found it particularly saddening to be back in the same mess, 15 years later, dressed in different robes.Using my words, gently and respectfully, in many, many, many subsequent conversations about how I felt did in fact lead Seung Yong and I to marry -- with the full support of all our parents.But it was only through continuous dialogue -- at the dinner table with friends who could advise us, and using calm voices in the bedroom with one another, and keeping an open mind on the couch at the therapist's office -- that we were able to find a way to make our familial cultures meet in the middle at our mutual American one.

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